I was told I had 1-5 years to live.
I sat in a white office with the same diabetes posters and bland medical facts I had looked at several times, and contemplated how angry I was. Angry because had I not been so ‘rare’, something might be different. Perhaps someone might have listened to me, instead of blaming my symptoms on anxiety. This was the worst day of my life.
I would not be sitting here listening to how I had over 20 tumors that metastasized all over my organs, and were now killing me at an aggressive rate. I’d be planning my next vacation. Discussing a promotion. Contemplating moving to another city. Taking risks and enjoying my 20s.
Instead, I’m planning my own funeral and having to talk about my wishes and how everyone is going to wear a damn pink bow because what else can I do to distract from the madness of this situation?
The anger I felt turned into the fiercest determination I could ever have, I was NOT going to die because I wasn’t heard.
I would be heard.
I would be so fucking loud.
I have suffered along the way, I have had to do every form of treatment possible, and be misdiagnosed again and again, but I’ve been heard.
That is healing.
Not accepting the fate I was given was one of the best decisions I ever made, even after countless disappointments and setbacks, despite being told again and again mountains of bad news…
We didn’t give in.
I sat in a white office, waiting to see my oncologist to hear an update of my cancer progression. For the first time ever, I surrendered. I felt more hope than ever suddenly and waited for the news.
For the first time since my diagnosis, I was told I was stable.
Stable …
There’s no cure for the cancer I have, not at this stage. I was given palliative care, and supposed to await death. I was sent away to die at 24 years old.
I didn’t accept that, I fought. Hard.
November 29, 2023
Today, is my official 2 year stableversary. I didn’t trust it was real at first, until it was at least a year old. My little stable baby.
I realize now we’re technically celebrating three of stable disease.. WHAT?! Even more incredible 
I’m writing this with tears in my eyes, because when I started writing pheo vs fabulous I just wanted to make a difference in as many peoples lives possible. To prevent suffering like mine.
Today, I can generously give hope, hope I’ve been clinging to so hard for the last few years of my life.
Many of you have followed my journey from the beginning, clinging onto that hope just as hard. The fact we can celebrate this news together, well it feels unreal doesn’t it?. Like family.
If you’re reading this and you’re going through treatment, if you’re in pain, if you’re suffering, if you’ve just received your diagnosis, wherever you are in your journey… know I’ve been there, and this blog is my way of holding your hand through it
I will never be ‘normal’, through trauma coaching I was able to gain a new perspective on this.
I was able to hold space for all of the amazing things I can uniquely do.
The way I know how to take care of my body on my own at an expert level. Managing and balancing multiple contraindications in a day and going on like nothing. Innately knowing what’s best for me.
The compassion I have for others, but now toward myself. Learning what that looked like, building trust and knowing how to heal by instinct.
The way I respond vs react when there’s a situation, immediately organized, my parts go to work and know what to do. Normal is cool, but being a zebra unicorn is pretty fabulous too. Think of the things you’ve become good at being rare. Honour those today.
When I first wrote the words stable, and what it would mean. I predicted less tests, 6 month appts, and no active treatment.
Well, I was wrong about most things. Except no active treatment! That was right! Which is huge
I thought I’d be able to breathe a little. I thought I’d be able to plan things.
Expectation VS Reality:
Being stable has been the busiest medical period of my life 
you’re probably wondering WHY?!
Well, when you’re trying to stay alive in the darkest depths of metastatic disease… all is focused there
So many things get ignored, pushed to the side and swept under the rug because we HAVE to.
When you become stable enough to now give space and attention to those ‘other’ things… you realize how many there are. You realize they were actually quite serious, just not life or death. At that time.
So this is what I call the fabvocacy 101: the road from surviving to thriving
I’ve been able to go inward for the first time. Through trauma coaching, CBD, vagus nerve stimulation, red light therapy, regulation practices.
Because let’s face it, 13+ years of adrenaline hormones, no cortisol, and out of control mast cells are not doing me any favours
Learning to trust and thank my body. This has helped me continue to navigate difficult situations, building resilience within my body to match my mind.
I have more appts and hospital travel than ever, but that means we’re not overlooking anything.
Like… women’s health such as the stage 4 advanced endo we found, regular mammograms, PAP tests
The thyroid issue has been going on for 2 whole years, close surveillance. non stop testing.
Getting my mast cells regulated, that was a whole separate journey. One that I attribute my stability to. The dates align, and I know it in my bones.
Oh, did I mention my husband has been getting worked up for all things rare endocrine? That was a shock. I said, what would the odds be of us both having a rare endocrine tumor…? Still on that ride
Stability maybe wasn’t the freedom and relief I expected, but when I truly look back and compare what life was and what life is now…
Stable IS freedom, it is breath, because it means I’m alive and I can deal with the things that my body didn’t have the capacity to deal with
If you’d like to see more of my journey, and learn about what treatments I’ve done… take a look around my blog. My last treatment I did was PRRT, although scary because I had undiagnosed MCAS at the time, it definitely made a difference.
Knowing the power you have to save your own life is terrifying but also the most empowering. Learn how to fight for yours, and how to take care of it in between. Best advice I wish I knew sooner.
Hope is the hardest thing to have, but it’s worth it.
Pheo VS Fabulous 
Follow what I’m up to daily: IG @pheovsfabulous
TikTok: @pheovsfabulous
To read what’s currently going on with my thyroid, please click here and if you’re able – help me get the testing I need 
